Wish we knew

Many times, Jerry and I look at each other and wonder what is going on in our Lindsay's mind. What she is thinking and why and sad that we can't help her sometimes.  She is so dang smart, as she is aware of everything around her.  Intuitive and receptive she is. And although she can't sometimes tell us what she is thinking, she sure leaves us hints.

Like this morning! She goes to her day program Tuesday thru Friday, so she has a three day weekend most of the time. Like most, Tuesday is her Monday and like most, she would rather extend her weekend. On Tuesday's, her day program volunteers at our local dog shelter, walking dogs, petting the cats, helping with laundry, etc. And as you know, Lindsay loves dogs!  One of the requirements of volunteering at the dog shelter is that participants wear tennis shoes. For some reason, on Tuesday's we have had little battles about wearing her tennis shoes. We know she loves her flip flops, a lot! So last week, we put her tennis shoes in a bag for her to take with her, as a compromise. Today she indicated she didn't know where her shoes were and when I went to look for them, I found them with the shoelaces taken out. I shook by head and smiled as she was so creative and smart in knowing that if the shoelaces were gone, she couldn't wear them. But smiling in wonder that she was sending me a message.

So, why isn't she wanting to wear her tennis shoes? The first mention of wearing her tennis shoes on Tuesday mornings brings a change.  Does she not like going there?  Is it because it is a Tuesday (her Monday) and she would rather not wear any at all? Or is it just about the shoes, like most of us girls? 

Whatever the message, we will try and figure it out, but sure wish we knew!

I landed somewhere else yesterday

One of my first blogs I wrote about a poem we received when Lindsay was little. It uses the comparison of planning for a special trip to Italy with having a baby, all the preparations, the reading, etc. The poem then explains how things can change when you land. All those preparations for traveling to Italy suddenly get thrown out because you have found out that you landed in another country instead. Or in the case of our children, we find that we now have someone really special that we didn't know how to plan for.

Getting to the point, I landed somewhere else yesterday. Like other days, I had in my mind what my day looked like. Errands, stopping by to see a friend, etc. But our Lindsay has been having anxiety issues lately and we could tell the night before that her mind was working overtime on everyone and their schedule. Questions and more questions about who was going where, what the day was going to look like. Seems that no matter how many times we re-assure her, still more questions with the same answer. Her worrying had taken its toll, and walking out to the van for her day program, she had an anxiety attach. She lost her balance, got disoriented and had to sit down. After a few minutes on the sidewalk, we came inside and she laid down. I then realized how quickly my day had changed.

Admittedly, a little frustrated, a little out disoriented myself, I started thinking about rearranging my day. However, most of what I was going to do couldn't be done without leaving the house, so I ended up sitting with her and crocheted and napped, something I hadn't planned on doing at all.

What's the lesson here? Well, I am reminded often that nothing is for certain. We can plan or think we have control all we want.  No matter how much we try to be prepared, sometimes it just isn't going to go according to our plan. We can get pissy and frustrated or we can accept and go on, find the blessing in our new plan. Who knew that I would get so much done on a baby gift AND have time to take a nap too!

Jerry called a few times during the day to check in. He could sense a little frustration earlier in the day and when he came in the door after work, gave me a hug and said, "you were planning on going to Italy today, weren't you?" Made me laugh and smile and therein is my blog topic for today!

It's only money!

It has been a long time since I have written......almost a year!  Some have asked why I haven't written and there is no reason, just life taking over. Usually when I blogged I would have an inspiration or the idea would come easily to me and for some reason, the ideas or easy writing just haven't flowed. 

This morning, however, inspiration came easy! Lindsay was getting ready to go to "homework", aka. her day program. Our routine is simple. I wake her up, she asks about Grr, she slowly gets up to roll into our bed for a few more restful moments with Grr. We talk about the day, that everyone has "homework" and that we need to get ready. Brushing teeth, hair, picking out our clothes and loading up the purses for a full day's work. If you have read an earlier blog, you know how she likes her purses!  Part of "my" routine is trying to be sneaky and discard any extra baggage, lighten the load, so to speak. She doesn't usually notice accept for when I find the whole entire package of oreo's or candy in her bag, something she sneaked in for a midnight snack.

This morning, I find the usual stack of papers, wallets, flip flops and lots of torn papers, fyi a future blog topic. In the bunch of torn papers, I find a dollar bill, torn up as well. Not sure where she found it but it was torn up along with all the others. To her, it is just paper. To me, it's money. I was a little irritated, the thought of a dollar bill torn up, never to be used again. I explained to her that we can't tear up money, that it is what we buy pop and burgers with. She didn't seem to be too concerned.

I started thinking. Although she knows that we need "pour" (her word for money) to pay for things like burgers and pop, she didn't have the attachment to the money like I did. Why did I place so much value on that $1 bill, when I don't think about the value of it when I want something that I don't really need. Or when I won't do something because of how much money it will cost. I placed value on that $1 bill that she didn't. I was attached to it and she wasn't.

It was a realization that money is only as valuable as we as a person or society believes it to be. We use it to compare ourselves to others, we feel the need for more of it, get stressed over it, we judge others over it and feel the burden that having it or not having it brings. Lindsay, however, was free of the burden of having that extra dollar bill. She didn't need a burger or pop today, was not attached to what it could do for her, didn't need it to make herself feel better nor did she feel the least bit of regret at tearing it up.

I realize that our Lindsay doesn't understand the full concept of money, why we need it, etc but it just made me realize how much we attach to the almighty dollar. Just like the paper that she tears up, that extra bill in her wallet, was just that......an extra piece of paper.....a reminder to me this morning, that it is only money.