Change isn't so bad

Last weekend, Lindsay and I traveled with another mom, daughter and friend to watch Taylor and the Mesa State Baseball team play in St. George, UT. At first, Lindsay was excited about going to "Bobby ball" but as the time approached to leave, I could see her start to worry about the change in her daily routine.

Change in routine has always been a little hard for Lindsay. As she has gotten older, those changes or going to new places seem to affect her even more. She likes her own bed, to know where her things are, know where Babygrr is and who will watch her and we can't forget her purses, papers and tv!

On our drive there, she was full of questions as to where dad was, "go home?", where the Babygrr was, etc. We followed our friends and stopped for a bite to eat and she was so withdrawn and shy, even though she knew them. Upon settling in for the night, she had trouble falling asleep. She talked to herself and to me for quite awhile before finally giving in to sleep. The next morning, we stopped at the outlet stores and she was very upset that she didn't have bandaids, a wrap for her knee and chapstick. After patience from everyone, we made a special stop and all seemed good with the world after she had those little comfort items.

Her comfort level with the other girls, who are close to her in age, began to increase and it was so cute watching her want to be like them too.  She wanted to wear flip flops like them, have her feet up on the bleachers and I even saw a little more independence too. She cheered on the team, loved being part of what the other girls were doing, gave out hugs, held hands and all of a sudden, the change wasn't so bad.

The next morning, however, change came quickly.  The games were canceled due to the rain and our plans changed from going to shop and to "ball", to getting in the car and driving home. With tears in her eyes, she looked at me and said "I want to go to the store and go Bobby ball". For quite awhile, she was pretty upset that we weren't stopping at the store or going to the ball game. The questions started up again about what dad was doing, Babygrr, the "Connie's" in the other car and when we would be going to the store.

I plugged in her DVD and she watched the Friends Season 5 all the way and it seemed to settle her mind and also made her giggle. Made me want to watch too!  None of us like change and for some, little changes are harder to deal with but with a little patience and acceptance from everyone around, change isn't so bad sometimes! She loved feeling special, like one of the girls. Don't we all!

Epiphany in Child Pose

While in child pose at yoga this morning, I had an epiphany! While I was supposed to be concentrating on my breathing and setting my intention, I was thinking about my day yesterday and how I was struggling internally with some situations, relationships, making assumptions, wondering why when you try and try, why some things just aren't easy as they should be.

I realized as I started my breathing that I allowed my thoughts to transfer onto Lindsay yesterday. I got upset that she found my new hiding place for gum, that she had 15 purses on her bed. Yes, really 15! And they were full of papers, packed to the brim. I got irritated that she lost her ring while at her day program and that she wanted to "put-put" on band aids on her fingers, when she already had them on three of her fingers already. By the end of the day, I was grumpy, short tempered and cried, not knowing why I was acting this way.

What I realized is that I transferred my stress, my frustrations onto my sweet daughter, when it had nothing to do with her. Yes, I wish things could be easier but it is what it is and on a daily basis, these things are what we live. They actually make me laugh most days and help me realize, that those little things really don't matter much. Why is it that we often treat those we love in a wrong way because of something that is totally unrelated? We transfer our frustrations onto them when it is really about something else.  I let those thoughts and frustrations about other things take control, which controlled how I acted.

Thanks for sharing in my self-therapy session. I try to be positive most of the time with my posts but wanted to share my feelings because we all have times when we appear to be upset about something, when in fact, if we stop and breathe, it is really about something else we just haven't "opened the door" to.

Thank God for Jerry, who has patience when I don't, who knows to take over when I can't, who knows me better than I know myself sometimes. Thank God for Lindsay, who teaches me literally daily, whose sweet and kind nature gives me a hug when I need it the most, who inside might me calling me a "focker" but loves me just the same.

Oh, and thank God for Child Pose!